so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
