i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
