this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
