my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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