Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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