Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
