I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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