we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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