Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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