dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
