Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
