I am in a vortex of obligation.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
