im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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