I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you would pick up someone in the library
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
