If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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