Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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