I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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