I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
