My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize