Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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