You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
