There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
