East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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