just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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