I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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