woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
