Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
