They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
