Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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