All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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