I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
