My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
