my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can text with my tongue
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
