What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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