Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
