apparently the secret to your success is patron
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize