Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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