Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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