and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
