I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
