I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
