end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
