Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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