so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize