you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
