My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
