I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
