My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
