My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
