me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
