You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
