I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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