Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
