the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize