Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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