I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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