just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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