ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
