i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
