How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
