Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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