either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
