I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
