It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
