I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
