Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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