The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
