dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
