i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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