It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
