I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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