Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
