Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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