I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
