I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
