I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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